Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Starting To Crack

"Nikki I can't do this!"
"Calli yes you can! The only way you get better is if you work on the bad days. It's if you keep moving forward even if you aren't progressing toward your ultimate goal. You need to look at today as an opportunity to keep trying."
"But I keep stopping myself, I can't do this"
"Yes you can. The bad days are what make the good days great. Never underestimate the strength that comes from pushing through on the bad days."
--thoughts between my sister and I at a tumbling lesson for cheer 


Satan wants us to believe we can't do it, that's what I keep reminding myself. It seems that every day is getting harder, and it's easier to become discouraged. I sit here waiting for things to magically get easier, homework to diminish, test scores to increase, friends to call and family to see but I know that it doesn't work like that. Patience is something that isn't inherit for me and the less patient I am the longer things seem to take.

There are days when I honestly wonder how in the world I can do this. Expectations from prominent people in my life seem to crush a huge burden onto my shoulders. I don't understand how hard work seems to fail me and it seems I have been struck with disappointment after disappointment these last couple of months and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier, until I think about my savior.

In my moments of complete despair and chaos, I start pondering about my savior and immediately there is someone there helping carry the load. The way I see it, it isn't like Christ just comes in-grabs the boulders we are carrying-and walks off; no, he walks in and puts his hands under ours and lifts and struggles with us. I have to remember that my trials and stresses aren't going to be taken from me just because I have faith and prayer, in fact I think it's quite the opposite. That faith needs to be continually tested in order to rely on my Heavenly Father and become closer to him.

College is not easy. Living on my own and adjusting is not easy. Missing my friends is not easy. I thought this would be a simple, blissful experience but I was wrong. This is the time when Satan will hit me the hardest because this is when I have to rely on my testimony. Not my friend's, parents, or leaders. It's a constant battle of what is right and what is wrong. I'm constantly questioning if I am good enough to go on a mission. It's hard to see so many spiritual giants 24/7 and believe you are even close to matching up-- at least that's what the enemy wants us to believe.

This is a hard time but the point to life isn't so that it's easy and simple, the point is to find comfort in our savior during difficult circumstances so that we can find peace.

The savior didn't just pay for our sins, though i'm entirely grateful he did. He also went through every sadness, sickness, and pain we've ever felt. He felt everything. I like to think he did this not to stand above us, but to stand with us. The savior came to earth and walked with man; The savior left earth and still walks with man. In no way am I saying we are at the same level as our savior, because we are not and we never will be. But the savior loved us enough to go through everything we'd ever go through so he knew what it was like to be an imperfect and broken person. Can you imagine that love?

So on the days (like this past week) where my test scores aren't the best, the savior understands how I feel. On the days where I miss someone, the savior knows how I feel. On the days where I know my best will never be good enough -- The savior knows how I feel. Perfectly. Completely.

I don't know if this helps anyone but remember when you start to crack, you have a savior who will stand next to you doing everything he can to hold you together.

The bad days are what make the good days great. 

2 Nephi 9:18 .. Their Joy shall be full forever