Well I don't want to keep telling you all about what happened with my Dad because most of you know. I don't want to be known as overreacting because I know it could have been much, much worse. I was lucky enough to have my dad be completely okay and back home the same day.
But theres a thought that has been haunting me.
What if?
What if he hadn't come out himself? What if it was a huge medical emergency and he could never function the same? And of course, what if I lost him?
Suddenly all the lessons he had taught me, all the memories of us seemed to sting me to the core. How could I not have appreciated those times more? How could I ever had taken time to be angry with him or not help him?
That's when it hit me.
I don't know if this trial (almost trial) was for someone else, but it was for sure for me. I was reading a book by John Bytheway today about how to endure hard times. A part of it talks about how sometimes we are given opportunities not to be tested to see if we will stay faithful, but to learn something about ourselves to strengthen our hope to continue staying faithful. This test wasn't about if I would blame God or not, this was about discovering something within me.
The moment I thought I lost him was horrifying. I remember a mad chaos in my head but in the middle of the chaos was a reaching hand that I felt was begging me to hold onto. It was the spirit. There was a calm within the storm of my thoughts and that was the gospel. I knew that even if he was taken from me I would see him again, he would go somewhere happy. But it still didn't stop the emotions that were overflowing and encompassing me.
So what did I learn? I wasn't able to stay calm or smiling or in anyway a great example at my time of personal emergency. I didn't do what I should have done which was to have complete faith. I didn't learn that I was strong or completely capable to understand and trust in moments of distress. So what did I learn? I learned that i'm not perfect. I'm human and I will have those common emotions. But I found that in my times of craziness there is something in the middle that holds me together and will always comfort me. That's my Heavenly Father. That's my Savior. That's this gospel that is so true and welcoming.
I learned something about myself. I can't handle everything on my own, I have to rely on my Heavenly Father. I learned that I can become strong through my Savior.
So what life lessons could I possibly teach others from this?
Don't ever miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them, or to spend time with them.
Appreciate the little things.
When trials come, and they will, grasp onto the gospel. Hold onto it with every hope you have left, even if there's barely any.
I went to the temple yesterday morning and pondered about the events of my weekend. How much different would that morning had been, had I lost my father? I would like to think that it wouldn't, that I would have a perfect attitude and be at the temple, but I don't know if that's realistic. But I do know that even if i'm not strong enough to carry on, there is someone strong enough to carry me on. A song's lyrics were stuck in my head it's from My Shepherd Will Supply My Need :
No more a stranger, nor a guest, but like a child at home
Words can't express the gratitude I have for my father being okay, but even more I am more grateful to know that in the midst of trials I have an ever loving Heavenly Father and Savior. That's how I felt sitting in the temple. This whole experience brought me closer to my Heavenly Father. I felt more like his child, because I knew without a shadow of a doubt He was watching over me.
I wonder if Heavenly Father feels like that about us. I already missed my dad when I thought he was gone, I wonder how much Heavenly Father misses us. I wonder how much he longs for us to talk to him, to converse with him, to rely on him.
No matter the trial, remember there was someone who went through all trials so that we can rely on him and will understand how it feels even more than we know how it feels. That's our savior Jesus Christ. I have a testimony that this is true. My faith has been flamed by this experience. I hope you take the time to pray to know if this is true. It is true. This gospel is true. I invite those who know the truth, to use it and fan the fire of your faith every day. Those of you who don't, I invite you to seek to know if it's true. Challenge your faith and find out for yourself the truth. The savior and spirit will be with you every step of the way.
-Carry On-
