Saturday, August 17, 2013


I think you have all heard every senior that graduated say that this whole 'growing up' experience is quote "bittersweet". So i'm not going to go into too much detail or else you'd get bored of reading because you've read the same type of things 100 times.

But last night I had a dream I was at a high school basketball game again. But I wasn't cheering. It was pretty much like I was going to have another year of high school but be graduated... yeah dreams are twisted. Anyway. I was so excited to go be a bruin crazy because I never got that chance as a cheer leader. I was yelling and cheering and the stands were packed with people yelling and cheering. But instead of yelling I was looking around and looking at all my friends. When I woke up it made me sad because, 

we have moved on. 

People are gone on missions, people are leaving all over the place for college, and instead of high school being the support to keep us all hanging out, it has now fallen. High school is a memory. It's something for some reason i'll periodically have dreams about. 3 years flew past and I can't believe it. I remember at the senior all-nighter I was having the time of my life, and I was trying to talk to everyone because I knew 80% of these people I would never see this summer. I remember leaving and feeling totally satisfied. Like I knew who I'd be with all summer and I was fine with the small friend group that really stuck together after graduation. But now, even that seems to be fading. 

Everyone is ready to let go, and the scary thing is that I am too. I never thought I would be. 

I have one week left at home. 

I'm packing up everything that ever meant anything to me. Soon my room will be empty and ready for Calli to move into. My room that i've had since 6th grade. The room where I had would have late night phone calls, allnighters with my best friends, many many many sleepovers, many spider scares, cry sessions, anger sessions, happy sessions, I would read for hours in my chair, and just think in my room. And now... just like me... it's moving on. It's weird how one room can have such an emotional tie to someone. 

I've never moved. I was brought home from the hospital to this house when I was born. This has been my home since the start and I have one week. 7 days. 

I'll miss playing our piano and getting lost in the music, and having my family listen quietly on the couches in that room as I played. I'll miss my grandpa's old piano that I would play and write music on all through junior high. I'll miss sitting on the stairs watching my parents making food until they were ready to serve it. I'll miss being in my room and waking up on christmas and being the last in the line of youngest to oldest to see their stocking and presents. I'll miss halloween and watching scary movies with my friends as I help hand out candy to trick or treaters. I'll miss deep cleaning the house (weirdly) for big family parties. I'll miss watching psych for hours with my siblings. I'll miss watching my dad fill up the pool for the first time of the year every year. I'll miss late night hot tubbing. I'll miss the many MANY times I jumped on the tramp to practice some technique for tumbling for cheer. I'll miss the nights where me and whoever would lay on the hammock and look up at the stars and talk about things that are deep and meaningful. I'll miss the sheds we have when we knew we needed something out of it was the worst experience to have to dig through those monsters. I'll miss the antiques we have from my grandpa in our living room. I'll miss the living room talks. 

I'll miss yelling at my sisters for not asking to wear my clothes. I'll miss fighting over the bathroom. I'll miss fighting over the shower. I'll miss fighting over the dumbest things just to come back and hour later to say we were sorry. I'll miss my little minions and seeing them every day. I'll miss asking my little sister Danni for my 'daily hug'. I'll miss babysitting. I'll miss watching my baby sister run around every day and trip a couple of times just to laugh and get back up. I'll miss begging calli for something to wear. I'll miss Calli and I laughing about something from cheer or from the home. I'll miss her laugh and her genuine care for others. I'll miss calling her a hipster or various slang words for her style. I'll miss making up with her from a fight and hugging her until she yells at me to get off her. I'll miss giving her advice daily at home. I'll miss my first little sister. I'll miss seeing Calli and Jessi show me their new dance from cheer or watch them practice whatever they need to. I'll miss teasing Jessi about her boy life, and tickling her for answers. I'll miss my two little best friends, Calli and Jessi so much. I'll miss my brother Luc and his ever present way of asking questions. He's the smartest kid I know. I'll miss fighting over the remote with him and spots on the couch. I'll miss telling him i'd help him practice soccer or football in the front yard. I'll miss my only and precious little brother. I'll miss Danni and her crazy spunky attitude and way of making me always find a way to be happy. I'll miss dancing in the kitchen with her. I'll miss helping her with homework and I will especially missed her confused expressions. I'll miss saying Dan Dan every day. I'll miss when she runs down the stairs and wants to cuddle with me. I'll miss my little Dan Dan. I'll miss the baby, but I could go off for days about the cute things she does. I'll miss the random spurts of "we are going to start eating healthy and working out as a family" that lasts 2 weeks. I'll miss family home evenings. I'll even miss waking up at the break of dawn for family scripture study. 

I'll miss my parents. I'll miss arguing about driving the kids somewhere. I'll miss arguing about "I have plans I don't have time to clean the (insert room here)". I'll miss racing home for curfew just to walk in and see my parents happy to talk about my night. I'll miss getting ready for dances and dates and running throughout the house to find various supplies. I'll miss going down the stairs to see my dates. I'll miss getting ready for cheer and getting ready for football and basketball games. I'll miss making posters in our garage with my mom. 

I'll miss everything about this house. 

It will forever be my home. 

T- 7 days. 

-Carry on-


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